come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
