HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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