She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
