I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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