i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
