Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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