I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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