I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
