I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
