shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
