I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
