Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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