Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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