he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
