If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
