He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
