using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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