That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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