He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
