got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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