I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
