I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
