The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
