I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
