oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
