that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
