I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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