Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
