sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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