is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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