this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
