I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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