I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
