last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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