I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
