Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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