Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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