Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I look better un-naked...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we're making bets on your personal life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
