I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
