Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
