It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
