well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
