Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
