i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
