he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize