I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
