cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
