I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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