"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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