I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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