Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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