I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
