Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
