Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you would pick up someone in the library
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who died my cat blue again?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
