Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
