i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize