seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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