My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
