I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
