when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize