These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
