wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
