The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize