What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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