Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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