ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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