I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
