mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
