i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
